We’ve all heard stories from our friends and coworkers of the cray cray neighbors they have, and we have all had to deal with our fair share of them living in New Orleans at that. It’s one of those things that make this city so charming, right?
The Neighborhood Watch
Alway suspicious, always watching. They keep tabs on your hood and are bound to alert you if anything fishy, and even sometimes not so fishy, is going on. You can count on Ms. Yvonne to be on her porch takin’ names. This is a good neighbor to have, but you will want to stay on her good side.
The Cat Lady
You literally counted up to 20 cats on their porch one day when you were out on a run, and you just had to know. Now, that you think about it, you actually aren’t sure if you have seen humans inhabiting this house.
Whichever side of the argument you are on, it’s all too obvious when you live next to a permanent Airbnb. Bachelorette parties and people wearing Mardi Gras beads when it’s not Mardi Gras are in and out of this place. Empty lime green hand grenade cups from last night decorate the porch. If it isn’t already obvious enough, there’s the lock box hanging on the front gate.
The Drug Dealer
We don’t want to be the ones to have to say it, but we have all been there. There’s people rolling up at all hours of the day and night for a very quick visit. The neighbor doesn’t appear to leave the house often, and on the couple of occasions you have spoken, they try to discreetly find out if you yourself may be in the market for some illegal goods. They might as well have a sign in front of their house. Guess the NOPD has better things to do.
Maybe they are a painter, a musician or someone who types poetry on a corner in the French Quarter as their day job. Whatever it may be, you can’t really figure out why this person seems to not have a care in the world. Deep down, you envy them and secretly wish you could have that little, yet be so happy.
The Frat House
It seems like there are at least 10 bros clad in their worst New Orleans fashion in proximity to the house at all times. There’s never a time when you’ve passed by that you don’t smell marijuana seeping out of the house and see empty bottles of cheap liquor strewn across the porch. College-looking girls arrive at all hours of the night in packs, and we really don’t know why because frankly this place looks like it could really use a deep cleaning.
Basically a nice word for hoarder, you aren’t really sure who actually lives here, but their screen porch is about to bust at the seams with all of the old furniture, lamps and books stacked up from the floor to the ceiling. One person’s trash is another’s treasure, #AmIRite?
The One Who is A Little Too Nice
We’ve all had one. They yell “hey baby,” and come in hot in for a hug as you head out the door with headphones in for a run. They have even gone as far as to kiss your cheek or come onto your porch uninvited. We don’t know you like that Mr. Maurice. We want to be nice to you, but we can’t because you are just too friendly and we don’t know what it all means.
The Front Porch Alcoholic
Why don’t you ever go to work sir? This guy is harmless, but his life pretty much consists of chillin’ on the porch with a brown bag surrounded by other brown bags, and then walking to the corner store when he needs a refill. Every now and then he mumbles something at you which can feel troublesome, but no one ever really know what he is saying so its cool. We aren’t really sure how he pays his rent.
And then there’s you. Just out here trying to live your best life. Up next: the worst of New Orleans landlords. We know you have stories.😂